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1. You wear the “Melbourne uniform” every day
None of your friends from outside Melbourne wear black better than you. In fact, more than half your wardrobe is black. Your daily outfit probably consists of a black coat and black shirt with black jeans and black boots. Your response when people from out-of-state ask you why you wear so much black is simply “I’m from Melbourne.”
2. You’re a coffee snob
You know Melbourne has some of the best coffee around. When you travel you have a difficult time trying to find a cup of coffee that lives up to your high standards. You’ll even spend hours scrolling through review websites in the city you’re visiting so you can find one place with coffee that might just be tolerable.
3. You know how to dress for four seasons in a day
Melbourne weather is unpredictable and you know how to dress for it. It can be hailing in the morning, boiling by midday, and then stormy in the afternoon. You know to take an umbrella with you when you leave the house. You also know that skirts and Melbourne are two things that shouldn’t mix.
4. You hate Sydney
You don’t understand what’s so good about Sydney. Sure, Sydney has the Opera House, the Harbour Bridge, and slightly better weather. However, we all know Sydney is a tourist city. Do people even live there? Melbourne is far more liveable and cultured.
5. You have a love-hate relationship with trams
The trams are hardly ever on time, it can take ages to get to your destination, there’s always undercover inspectors on your routes and Myki sucks. However, you’d rather take the tram into the city than drive. Driving in the city is a nightmare.
6. You understand that football is a religion
You might not like football, but you know you can’t escape it if you live here. You either avoid taking the trams on football nights because you know they’ll be packed with rowdy fans, or you are one of those rowdy fans. And even if you don’t like football you still know that everyone hates Collingwood.